Sunday, January 22, 2012

Our new reality

Well, we had our appointment with Dr. Kolletis on 12/14/11, he performed a physical exam on DH & sent us for blood work. A semen analysis, testosterone test, FSH test, and Karyotype (genetic) test were all ordered & we were told that the results would be back in a month. That was one of the hardest months of waiting so far, I feel like we've swapped waiting on my ovulation day & period for waiting on doctors appointments & test's all a never ending waiting game but it will hopefully be worth it someday soon:)

We received all but the Karyotype test results back on 1/17/12. They were as follows:
Sperm count, 0 (Azoospermia)
Testosterone 358, within normal range of 180-827
FSH 27.1, very high above normal range of 0.7-11.1

After receiving those results we were advised that the only possible way of ever conceiving a biological child together would be through IVF/ICSI using either TESA or MESA. Obviously, this is devastating news for us but, at this point, we expected it. The IVF/ICSI procedure would cost upwards of 12-15k and it is in no way guaranteed or, in our particular case, likely to work. So, after much prayer, endless discussions and many sleepless, tear-filled nights, we have ultimately decided to forgo the IVF/ICSI process and instead opt for IUI with donor sperm.
I won't lie, this was by far the hardest decision we've ever had to make as a couple and we are still struggling with it. I worry about the challenges to come and know that whatever decision we make will affect our entire future. It tears me apart knowing that DH & I will never have a biological child together but I know that any child we do have will be loved immensely & never be any one's but ours. I know that if we use a donor, that's all they'll ever be to us but it's still scary. I have so many 'what ifs' in my head right now, as usual.

I have been referred to Dr. Bates, a reproductive endocrinologist at The Kirklin Clinic- UAB, my appointment is 2/8/12 @ 1pm. I have a mix of emotions right now, I can go from extremely excited to a sobbing mess within a matter of minutes! I'm so ready to start this part of our (very long) journey but, at the same time, it's sad to know that we have to begin it at all. Hopefully, by March we will begin IUI & all will go well. I guess we'll have to wait & see!

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